Real Leadership: Why Your To Be List Matters as Much as Your To Do
When we think of leadership, we often think in terms of action: targets to hit, meetings to run, results to deliver. The calendars of most senior leaders are full to the brim with urgent tasks, strategic projects, and never-ending decisions. We’ve mastered the To Do list. But here’s the rub: many leaders I work with are so focused on what they do that they’ve lost sight of how they do it.
They’re leading through action, but not necessarily through presence, intention, or authenticity.
Last year I coached a senior executive who was widely respected for his sharp thinking, decisiveness, and delivery. His To Do list was a masterpiece of execution. But he came to me feeling stuck. His team wasn’t stepping up, morale was low, and he was doing more and more of the heavy lifting himself. He was frustrated and burnt out.
As we explored what was going on, it became clear that he was showing up every day with a laser-focus on what needed to be done - but not who he needed to be to lead his team effectively. His To Do list was impressive. His To Be list? Non-existent.
He hadn’t paused to ask:
• What kind of leader do I want to be today?
• How do I want to make others feel?
• What values do I want to embody, even under pressure?
When we started building a To Be list alongside his To Do list, things began to shift. He made space for being curious, calm, and connected - not just efficient, driven, and decisive. His team noticed the change. They felt heard. They started stepping up. And he found leadership a little less exhausting and a lot more fulfilling.
The Myth of 'Doing It All'
We celebrate leaders who get stuff done. And yes, outcomes matter. But leadership isn't just about driving results - it's about how you bring people with you while doing it.
When leaders over-index on the doing, they risk falling into a pattern of command, control, and constant motion. They become reactive, solving problems rather than creating space for others to solve them. They default to directing instead of listening. In the rush to achieve, they sacrifice the opportunity to connect.
But Real leadership isn't just about what you do. It's about who you are while you're doing it.
The To Be List: What It Looks Like
So what does a To Be list look like in practice?
It might include qualities like:
• Be present
• Be curious
• Be generous with recognition
• Be open to being wrong
• Be courageous in hard conversations
• Be consistent in your values
This isn’t about abandoning your To Do list. It’s about making space for how you show up while you lead. When you define and practice your To Be qualities daily, you’re more likely to create psychological safety, build trust, and empower others - three outcomes no To Do list will deliver on its own.
Why This Matters, Now More Than Ever
Expectations of leadership keep evolving. People don’t just want to be told what to do - they want to be inspired, included, and seen. And they’re more attuned than ever to how leaders make them feel.
In a hybrid, fast-paced, complex environment, leaders who focus only on output risk disengagement and disconnection. But those who are intentional about how they lead - who are being as well as doing - build cultures that are resilient, responsive, and real.
Try This Tomorrow
Before your next packed day of meetings and decisions, take 60 seconds to write down your To Be list.
Ask yourself:
• Who do I need to be for my team today?
• What’s the energy I want to bring?
• What qualities will help me lead with impact?
Then hold yourself accountable to that list. You might be surprised by how much shifts - not only in you, but around you.
The Bottom Line
Your To Do list will keep you busy. Your To Be list will make you better.
Real leadership lives at the intersection of action and intention. Of getting things done and showing up with presence and purpose. When you bring both together - when you lead from who you are, not just what you do - you create the kind of impact that lasts well beyond the next KPI.
So next time you plan your day, don’t just ask, What do I need to do? Ask, Who do I need to be?
That’s where real leadership begins!
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