Leadership can be really tough! Not just the workload, but the emotional, mental, and sometimes even physical weight of it. The pressure to meet expectations - yours, your team’s, your organisation’s – it can be relentless. And if we’re not careful, it can lead us to drift away from who we really are.
That’s why one of the most powerful (and overlooked) practices in leadership is to Stay Real. It’s one thing to do the self-reflection and work to Get Real but Staying Real takes a whole other practice.
The Struggle Is Real
We often talk about leadership like it’s simply a set of skills or a checklist of behaviours. And yes, there are competencies that matter. But at its core, real leadership is human. It’s vulnerable. It’s emotional. It’s full of complexity.
I see it often with the senior and executive leaders I coach - especially the high achievers. They care deeply. They want to deliver, to make a difference. But somewhere along the way, they start losing themselves in the expectations of others. They adjust who they are to fit the role. They say yes to more than they should. They chase performance without pausing to ask, “Is this actually how I want to lead?”
It’s no wonder so many leaders feel burnt out, disconnected, or like they’re performing a version of leadership rather than actually leading.
The Cost of Playing a Role
One of my clients, a smart, experienced, values-led leader, recently stepped into a senior role in a new organisation. She was excited. She had clarity on what she brought to the table and how she wanted to lead. But from day one, the expectations started creeping in. She felt the pressure to "prove herself."
She made an assumption, one that so many of us make: that her job was to know everything, fix everything, and work harder than everyone else. That assumption led her down a path of long hours, relentless detail, and emotional exhaustion. The more she tried to be what she thought the role required, the less she recognised herself.
Eventually, she hit a wall. In coaching, we unpacked the assumption: Was that actually what the business needed? Was it what her team needed? Was it what she needed? The answer, of course, was no. The leadership role hadn’t broken her. Her assumptions about the role had.
The Danger of Assumptions
We all carry them. Assumptions about what leaders should do. About what success looks like. About what other people expect from us.
And here’s the thing: assumptions aren’t inherently bad. Our brains create them to make sense of the world. But when we don’t test them, when we treat them as truth, they become invisible limits to our impact.
They can make us take on too much. Stay silent when we should speak up. Over-function instead of trusting our teams. Or lead in ways that don’t feel aligned with who we really are.
As the old saying goes, to assume makes an “ass out of u and me.” And in leadership, it also makes things exhausting, unsustainable, and disconnected.
Staying Real Is a Practice
So what does it mean to Stay Real?
It means regularly asking yourself: Is this how I want to lead? Is this me, or is this me performing a version of leadership that doesn’t feel true?
It means checking in on your assumptions: What story am I telling myself about what’s expected of me? And is that story even true?
It means reconnecting with your values, your strengths, your purpose - your “who” - so you can lead with alignment, not just ambition.
Staying real is not about being perfect or getting it right all the time. It’s about being honest with yourself, giving yourself permission to lead in a way that’s human, and having the courage to shift when something doesn’t feel right.
The Invitation
If leadership feels like hard work lately, you’re not alone. But don’t let the weight of it pull you into someone else’s version of leadership.
Stay curious. Stay connected. Stay real.
Because when you lead from who you are, not who you think you’re supposed to be, you unlock something powerful. You lead with impact. And more importantly, you lead in a way that is sustainable, energising, and true.
#RealLeadership
#TheStruggleIsReal #LeadershipDevelopment #StayingReal #MichelleSalesLeadership
Follow us on: LinkedIn Instagram Facebook