Confidence Is Learned, Not Lucky
Scrolling through Facebook this week, a memory popped up that stopped me mid-scroll. Seven years ago, I launched my book The Power of Real Confidence. Seven years! I honestly can’t believe how quickly that time has gone.
Since then, I’ve had the privilege of working with countless leaders and teams, running workshops, coaching programs, and speaking on stages (and screens!) all around one of my favourite topics: confidence.
What continues to surprise me, though, is how many people still talk about confidence as if it’s a rare gift reserved for the lucky few. You know the story, some people are “just born with it,” and the rest of us are left wishing we were.
But confidence is not a personality trait or a fixed attribute. It’s not something you either have or don’t. Confidence is the outcome of the thoughts you think and the actions you take. It’s something you can build. It’s learnable, growable, and renewable.
And right now, many of us are being tested on the confidence front like never before.
Uncertainty, frustration, and fatigue have become part of our everyday leadership reality. Whether it’s the shifting landscape of work, constant change, or simply the weight of leading others through it all, doubt can easily creep in.
What’s the Story You’re Telling Yourself?
If confidence is shaped by our thinking and our actions, then it starts with awareness - especially of the stories we tell ourselves.
So, pause for a moment and ask yourself:
- What story am I telling myself right now?
- Am I beating myself up for not being as productive as I “should” be?
- Am I comparing myself to how I used to lead, or to someone else entirely?
- Am I questioning whether I’m doing it “right”?
When our inner dialogue is full of criticism and comparison, it erodes confidence faster than any external challenge. Our thoughts directly shape how we show up, how we speak up, and how we lead. The more we feed thoughts of inadequacy, the smaller we play.
The Power of the Pause
But we get to change that story. We can choose to flip the script.
For me, it starts with creating space. Getting off the treadmill. Taking a breath. Being kind to myself. These aren’t indulgent acts; they’re intentional ones. They’re part of how I sustain confidence.
Each week, I make time to check in with myself - to breathe, to notice how I’m feeling, and to ask whether my thoughts are helping or hindering me. I make small progress on bigger goals and remind myself that confidence grows through movement, not perfection.
This kind of awareness is powerful. Because when you understand the story you’re telling yourself, you can start to edit it. You can choose thoughts that are constructive instead of critical. You can take actions that reinforce belief instead of doubt.
A Simple Reset
So, if you’re feeling like your confidence has taken a hit - or that inner critic is a little too loud - try this small but significant action.
Pause. Breathe. Reflect.
Take a few moments throughout your day to check in on your thinking. Ask yourself:
- Are my thoughts building my confidence or breaking it down?
- Is my self-talk kind or critical?
- What’s one small action I can take to shift the story?
Real confidence doesn’t come from faking it or waiting for it. It comes from noticing your thoughts, taking small, deliberate steps forward, and backing yourself - one moment, one breath, one decision at a time.
#RealLeadership
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