When Leadership Feels Off, But You Can’t Quite Say Why
A few months ago, I was working with a senior leader in a large national organisation.
‘Sarah’ had the resume, the results, and the respect of her peers. From the outside, everything looked right. But she came to coaching with a quiet but persistent question:
“Why doesn’t this feel like me?”
She wasn’t in crisis. She wasn’t failing. But something about her leadership felt disconnected and even mechanical. She was ticking the boxes, making decisions, leading meetings… but under the surface, she felt like she was acting like a leader, not being one.
And it was exhausting.
The Cost of Leaving Yourself Out
As we worked together, Sarah began to realise just how much of herself she’d been leaving out of her leadership. She’d learned early in her career to keep things “professional” which, in her mind, meant polished, reserved, and slightly distant. She rarely brought her natural warmth or humour into the room. She avoided talking about her personal experiences or values. She played the part.
But what she started to notice, and what her team had long been feeling, was that her leadership, while competent, lacked connection.
People followed her direction, but they didn’t feel deeply engaged or inspired. Her team meetings felt flat. She wasn’t getting pushback or ideas anymore. She was getting compliance.
And Sarah herself was quietly burning out. The constant gap between who she was and how she led was draining her.
Rediscovering WHO
The turning point came when Sarah finally gave herself permission to look inward, not just outward.
We spent time unpacking:
- What mattered most to her - not just in her role, but in life
- The values she’d been living by long before she became a leader
- The moments in her career where she felt most energised and alive
- The impact she wanted to have, not just the goals she was accountable for
And slowly, the real Sarah started to emerge, someone deeply values-driven, collaborative, and quietly courageous.
We worked on how to bring that Sarah into her leadership. Not all at once. Not dramatically. But in small, consistent shifts.
Bringing WHO to the Work
She started with presence, being more relaxed, human, and grounded in her meetings. She shared more of her thinking and opened space for her team to do the same.
She talked about values in her team planning, not just deliverables. She asked people what mattered to them, not just what they were working on.
And over time, she noticed a shift. So did her team.
Engagement lifted. Conversations got deeper. New ideas emerged. Her influence grew, not because she pushed harder, but because people felt more connected to her and more seen by her.
And Sarah? She stopped acting. She started leading.
Not by copying anyone else’s version of leadership, but by owning her own.
What About You?
If any part of Sarah’s story feels familiar, here’s the thing: you don’t need to overhaul your leadership. But you do need to get clear on who you are, and how much of that you’re bringing to the way you lead.
Because the most sustainable leadership isn’t built on status or strategy, it’s built on alignment.
And when you bring more of who you are to how you lead? That’s when leadership stops being a ‘performance’… and starts becoming a legacy.
#RealLeadership #AuthenticLeadership #LeadershipDevelopment #WhoYouAreMatters #NewLeadershipProgram #MichelleSalesLeadership
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